Feelings

Today did not start well. I felt like I was sitting in my smug happy-Christian blanket on a jetty, enjoying the 5am sunrise.......and next minute I felt like I'd been knocked into the icy water and left clinging to the side of the jetty, gasping for breath and wondering, "Where in the heck did that come from?"

It's not a big deal. After the baby woke me at 5am and I couldn't get Woollies online to work and then I read a blog post that dragged up a heap of emotions all at once and then I had to make breakfast while feeling nauseous but not able to get time to feed myself to relieve said nausea and after our prep girl wee-ed her only remaining pair of school skorts, I was a little cranky. Just a little.

I had a bit of a rant. Kicked a toy.......

....and wondered why I was being so horrid! Normally I can talk myself out of a funk. Not today.

I had to go grocery shopping (since the stupid online thing wasn't working!), so Ben offered to come with me, despite the fact that he was dog-tired after coming home after 11pm last night and being woken by said baby at 5am.

On purpose, I switched on Chuck Swindoll in the car on the drive into school. I love that man. After 20 minutes of Chuck, I was still fuming and feeling absolutely gross.......and a bit out of control. I groped for God......."Where are you? I'm stuck in bitch mode!"

After doing school drop-off, we headed to the shops. My ice-cap started to melt when Ben woke the baby up by kissing her up her leg and onto her chubby little face. And by the time I had buckled the little boy out of his car seat and bounced him on my hip for a bit, I felt a bit better.

From there, the day improved. Nothing particularly wonderful, just happy chatty children to pick up from school, a nice 20 minute nap in the arvo, then a nice dinner and bath time without too much silliness.

Even though I didn't feel God close by, I think He heard me. And I think He's much more gracious to me than I am to myself in regards to the feelings I was experiencing this morning. I'm not a hugely emotional person, so don't have much time for my own feelings.....and I've had to learn the hard way to consider that others may feel more than I......but God taught me today that while we shouldn't be swayed by every feeling or emotion that we feel, feelings are a great way of sussing out how you're really going. If you can step back from yourself and ask, "Why am I feeling like this?", it can help you sort out what the problem actually is.

In my case, it was nothing more than a rough spot that was solved with some chatting to my husband and a bit of introspective thinking and prayer. And yet again, God showed His faithfulness in blessing my children and I with a good afternoon together.

So, I guess after gasping on the jetty, cold, wet and shocked for a bit, I got up, dried off and carried on as best I could.....and eventually, the sun came up.

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