Beyond the Edge of Adventure

I'm a disgustingly fast reader. I was reading Enid Blyton at age 6 and Carolyn Keene at age 9. I am absorbed by good narratives, often feeling connected to the fate of the characters and so my primary aim, of course, is to find out what happens to them in the end. If the narrative is good enough, I re-read it and absorb details that I miss the first time around. I started reading Redeeming Love on Sunday night - and finished it last night. That's a bit quicker than my normal pace, because a) I had the time to read, b) I enjoyed reading the novel and c) I wanted to finish it and post this review! So don't think I've given this novel a thorough reading. I mean, I read it - but not the delicate details. I didn't absorb all the romance and nuances completely. Redeeming Love enthralled and absorbed me. The writing style is emphatic, defined and moves at a good pace, yet is romantic and soft too. The plot is from the Bible, so it's a re-telling, really. It...

What is it about looking back that seems to make more sense sometimes? Why is it that when you look back, you can see how things have reached the point they have in the present moment - but when you're in the present moment you can't see beyond it? Do you ever wonder about God's timing and why he allows things to happen that appear to waste your youth, leaving you approaching middle-age with heavy burdens that you haven't been able to off-load? Facing these questions and the answers to them is scary and humbling. But one thing I do know. Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." I am so glad that I am able to face the challenges in life knowing that the One who created me loves me and is with me.

So. The other day I learned how far I have come since my last time struggling with anxiety. I was shocked to discover that I hadn't progressed one single centimetre from that horrible place. Not one . It was like a switch that transported me instantly back in time to almost three years ago when I would lie down for afternoon rest time with trepidation and most days I would be terrified to move because all I could think about was harming myself. When everything seemed to be such a big effort. Making dinner. Grocery shopping. Putting my feet on the floor first thing in the morning. Hugging my children. When I would have moments of really bad dejavu where my head would swim and my limbs would go hot and tingly and I couldn't stand up straight until it was over. Then I'd be even more tired. When I would be so ridiculously tired from being heavily pregnant with my fourth baby and coping with all that was placed on my head and my heart yet still unable to fall asleep at...

This song is making me think. About 'clearing the stage' and letting God take first place. I feel like lately my life has been clouded with heavy concerns about our nation and our communities. I've been buried deep in working towards solutions towards my dietary issues. I've been so hard at work working for God, my family and myself, that those things have become idols. I want to clear the stage. Put God first and let everything else in my life fall in place in His wake.

These days, it seems that there's a rather hostile attitude towards christians. And in some cases, perhaps this is warranted. Roald Dahl, in his auto-biography, 'Boy', recalls when at boarding school a young student was punished severely for a minor issue. The principal handing out the unjust punishment talked at school assemblies about mercy and love but turned around and showed no mercy towards a young student who had committed a misdemeanor. Roald Dahl goes on to say that the principal at his boarding school went on to become the Archbishop of Canterbury - the head of the Anglican church. That principal was bestowed with the most wonderful gift. No, it wasn't the ability to teach well. Obviously. Not his upright teachings or moral standards. It wasn't his wife or family or his money. He was given the gift of free will, given to him by the Creator - God. This principal took God's gift of free will - that is the right to choose - and decided somehow that admi...

I'm a bit sad about the general attitude towards having babies these days. It seems that the concepts associated with having children are burdens, bondage (lack of freedom), expense, trouble, crazy and my personal favourite: something to 'do' or 'get' after you've 'had a life' or 'got yourselves sorted'. I think it's a pretty nifty trick of Satan to build a lie around a little thread of truth. Yes, children can be seen as those horrible things listed above. But only if you go by the standards of the world! God's standards or expectations of family life are ALWAYS referred to in the Bible in very positive terms (Psalm 127:5). 'Blessing' and 'joy' are two words that spring to mind off the top of my head. The Bible sees having babies as top priority for a family (Jeremiah 29:4-9). The Bible looks upon getting married and having a family as life , not a thing on the 'to do' list when you've finished doing all t...

I didn't know all that much about spiritual warfare eight weeks ago. Now I know more. On October 14th, my seven-year-old son was baptised. It was higher than any other 'mountain top' experience I have ever had. Ever. Better than getting married, better than going to church camp. Better than the day he was born. I'd had baptism for him on my heart for about six months prior. I continually had that feather-brush thing going on in the back of my mind about having him baptised and becoming a christian. It felt weird. I didn't know how to approach talking to my own child about Jesus and I felt like a bit of a spiritual gumby. That's a terrible phrase, but it's how I felt. Like I was moving through wet cement to reach him. I prayed about it lots whenever it felt heavy on my heart and prayed for God's protection over him while I looked for any small opportunity to start 'the' conversation that is the single most important conversation one can ...

Rebellion: The action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention: "an act of teenage rebellion". I'm a rebel. Society tells me that marriage gets boring after a few years. Or it gets too hard. That loving one man as long as we both live is naive and silly. They say children are a burden and I should pop out two if I want to do 'the mummy thing' for myself and my husband for a bit, then get back to contributing to society by having a career. I heard someone who was being teased about 'meeting a nice girl and settling down' ridicule the person teasing them, saying, "Conform! Conform!". Seriously? I was 27 at the time and I knew NO 27-year-olds who had two babies and had been married for 6 years. The majority of 27-year-olds I knew were 'having a life' - drinking, partying, working on their careers, sleeping around........y'know. The usual expectations of people under 30! It's amazing what passes for 'ha...

With the arrival of my fifth baby just over two weeks ago, I returned home seven hours after the birth. I received many comments about how awesome it was that I'd done it. One of the words used was 'supermum'. I don't mind that. Seriously. We are all supermums - those of us that love being mums and work at being good parents.........and, as a human - of course I love receiving compliments! However, in my case the use of the word -I felt- implied that I'm fearless, tough and confident. I'm not. I returned home after seven hours because a) that was standard practice for the model of care I was receiving and b) my husband, mum and breastfeeding stuff was at home and as much respect as I have for hospital midwives, they are very busy and so can't provide anywhere near the care and attention that my husband and mum could. So really, it was nothing to come straight home. It was easier for me than being left on my own with a new baby to cope! And with ...

Well, I think I can officially call today a challenging day. My dietary issues have been playing up big time. One of my favourite hobbies -eating- has been pretty much destroyed by my body having a reaction to most things I eat. I can't figure out what's wrong and it's SO frustrating! Today I ate allergy-free museli with rice milk, a banana, rice with (good) leg ham, cooked mushrooms and leftover roast beef with veggies. No gluten. No dairy. No sugar. No nuts. No preservatives (or very, very little). And I still spent most of the day feeling bloated, slightly nauseated, refluxy, tired and blowing my nose. Yick........so I am booking an appointment with both a GP and a dietitian this week! I met with my midwife today and the baby is well - hooray! My iron levels are not OK, sadly. This is the first time EVER in five pregnancies that I've had low iron. So excuse me if I'm shocked for a bit because I'm NOT supermumma! My blood pressure was low...ish. My fundal he...

So, a week ago on Sunday evening, having packed my husband off for his second night shift in a row and while the children were finishing dessert and cleaning their teeth, I got a rather scary phone call. It was from Ben, who, in short, said he'd been in a car accident. After feeling my stomach sink like a cold rock had been dropped into it and my heart pouding in my ears, I managed to ask where he was, which was only 500m from our home. I hung up straight away and herded all the bewildered children into the car, ignoring their insistent questions, which started with, "Where are we going?", "Why do I need shoes on?", "Where is Daddy?", "Is Daddy OK?" and finally, "Dad's been in a car accident, hasn't he?". How did they know ? Ben was and still is OK. He's bumped, bruised and very shaken, but OK. The other driver received a slightly bumped nose and his car a wrecked tyre, a slightly smashed in front right panel and b...

I often feel like giving up. I feel like I'm getting nowhere and that my children are more interested in wearing me out than listening to my training and guidance. I often struggle with discouragement over an idea that I've had that hasn't worked. Some days, I wonder why I even open my mouth to remind them to put things away, clean their teeth, not speak to me that way or to be nice to their siblings. But then I think about giving up. Just letting them do what they want, as long as they're not killing each other. And do you know what gets me? Not the fact that if I withdraw my efforts in training and guiding my children they will turn into selfish, spoilt people who end up isolated by society (although I don't particularly like that scenario). It's more what they will think and feel when they realise that I just don't care any more. That their own mother, the one who brought them into the world and loved them before they were even concieved has decided ...

I realised I haven't told 'the story'.......about how little 'Twinkle' came into existence. I've been praying big time about our family and our fertility. During December, I realised that if we were to fall pregnant in that month, we would be expecting in September. So, I prayed - "God, if I could just have this year off to get the house in order and settle our family, then I'll happily have another baby for you....just next December.....I'm just so tired...." and blah, blah, blah....... He said 'No.' Little did I know, that despite following all the 'family planning' rules, I was probably already pregnant by the time I was rather arrogantly praying that prayer. The thing is, I'd LOVE a September baby. September 1st in one of my favourite days of the year: spring arrives! Matthew was due in late September and I stupidly expected him to arrive on his due date. He was ten days overdue. In my pathetic way, I've alwa...

Today did not start well. I felt like I was sitting in my smug happy-Christian blanket on a jetty, enjoying the 5am sunrise.......and next minute I felt like I'd been knocked into the icy water and left clinging to the side of the jetty, gasping for breath and wondering, "Where in the heck did that come from?" It's not a big deal. After the baby woke me at 5am and I couldn't get Woollies online to work and then I read a blog post that dragged up a heap of emotions all at once and then I had to make breakfast while feeling nauseous but not able to get time to feed myself to relieve said nausea and after our prep girl wee-ed her only remaining pair of school skorts, I was a little cranky. Just a little. I had a bit of a rant. Kicked a toy....... ....and wondered why I was being so horrid! Normally I can talk myself out of a funk. Not today. I had to go grocery shopping (since the stupid online thing wasn't working!), so Ben offered to come with me, despi...

I love being strong I love being busy My days are long Sometimes in strife Under attack For awareness of life Politeness around Nothingness done Heads in the ground Misunderstood Labelled Well, good Tried Worthy? Cried The one whom I love By my side Like a dove Shelter He brings Strength and grace In His wings Till dawn finally breaks And at last See His face Until then work is set Compass swings, turns Sights up high, do your best 31/1/2012

Y'know what I love about Mr Darcy? No, it's not a trick question! I love that bit in 'Pride and Prejudice' when he says that he abhors disguises and always seeks to tell the truth. This is proven later in the narrative when his sister, Georgiana, says that it is indeed so to Lizzie when she suggests that Mr Darcy may have over estimated her pianoforte playing abilities. Mr Darcy comes across at first as rude, arrogant and fairly well up himself........but as the story progresses, we find that he is indeed a truthful, kind and honourable man. He just tells it how it is! Although he loses a few friends (or good opinions from some groups of people, such as Mr. Wickham's friends), he ends the story with a gorgeous, witty wife, great friends and the honour of being swooned over by zillions of women throughout history. It may cost him some small discomforts along the way, but in the end, truth and honour win with much better long term benefits. I want to be like t...