Beyond the Edge of Adventure

20 minutes after arriving at the hospital, I groaned one last time and leaned forward on the hospital bed, not quite sure why I was doing it, but reaching out anyway. I put my hands around the warm, tiny slippery little body and placed her on my chest, lying back, panting with the effort of a very intense but short 2 1/2 hour labour. They put warm blankets over her. She lifted her little head towards me and I beheld her beautiful, dark eyes peeking out with wide-eyed wonder at the faces peering back at her. Without even looking at the telling bits, I knew she was a girl. I knew it was Denna May, my sweet second baby and first daughter. It was 11:56pm on May 31st, 2007. Those first few moments of Denna's life outside the womb are permanently seared on my memory - such a contrast to the exhausted, bleary, tear-stained eyes I looked at my firstborn with after the 12 hours of active labour to bring him into the world. I love all my children dearly, but Denna's birth was spe...

There are times in life when you think everything is fine. You're working hard, moving forward and the passing scenery glides by as you stop every now and then to draw a big breath of beautiful fresh air before getting back to it. But then you notice that the scenery moves a bit faster by you. So you put more effort into keeping up with all that's rushing by. Your temper gets shorter and the internal tears flow harder as you strain and sweat to keep up with life's pace. Suddenly, the world is whirring past you at a cracking pace. You realise you've lost control. You're waiting for a sickening crunch that means that you've fallen off, fallen apart and it's over. It's both terrifying and thrilling. Then one day, you find yourself haunched over on the side of a road with a random piece of sharp plastic in your hand trying to slice your wrist open so you can bleed. So you can finally relieve the deep throbbing inner pain of constant failure to keep up ...

What is it about looking back that seems to make more sense sometimes? Why is it that when you look back, you can see how things have reached the point they have in the present moment - but when you're in the present moment you can't see beyond it? Do you ever wonder about God's timing and why he allows things to happen that appear to waste your youth, leaving you approaching middle-age with heavy burdens that you haven't been able to off-load? Facing these questions and the answers to them is scary and humbling. But one thing I do know. Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." I am so glad that I am able to face the challenges in life knowing that the One who created me loves me and is with me.

I'm not a clingy-mumma. I love, love, love my children and I love, love, love being a mum. But I'm more on the side of cheering them on as they learn to walk, talk and grow up rather than wishing they'd stay crinkly newborn-ish forever. BUT....she's 7 1/2 months old and all of a sudden has just lost interest in my breasts. For feeding, that is! Two weeks ago she was what we affectionately called 'The Boobie Muncher'. Now? Meh - she'll take it or leave it, thanks. But water? Yummy! Cooked mashed veggies? Yummy! Chicken? Yummy! Yoghurt? Yummy! My brain is still trying to catch up to the fact that this: Has now turned into a tubby, smiley, double-toothed food hoover who now treats breast milk as second-rate! I've racked my brains trying to think of why she'd suddenly reject my milky goodness (including doing the wee test on a stick: it was negative), but I've just had to come to the conclusion that she's just going to be differe...