Giving Up........

I often feel like giving up. I feel like I'm getting nowhere and that my children are more interested in wearing me out than listening to my training and guidance. I often struggle with discouragement over an idea that I've had that hasn't worked. Some days, I wonder why I even open my mouth to remind them to put things away, clean their teeth, not speak to me that way or to be nice to their siblings.

But then I think about giving up. Just letting them do what they want, as long as they're not killing each other. And do you know what gets me? Not the fact that if I withdraw my efforts in training and guiding my children they will turn into selfish, spoilt people who end up isolated by society (although I don't particularly like that scenario).

It's more what they will think and feel when they realise that I just don't care any more. That their own mother, the one who brought them into the world and loved them before they were even concieved has decided that the effort of raising them has become too much. They are not worth the effort of teaching, training, disciplining and guiding.

It breaks my heart. I've been at that point numerous times.....simply not knowing where to go with a particular behaviour or case of disobedience. I'm there now, actually!

I'm realising that giving up is not an option. Choosing to let my children get away with a behaviour that is disobedient and slack is not good for them and withdrawing my training and discipline means that I don't care about the behaviour and I certainly don't care about them and how allowing them to continue with selfish and disobedient behaviour will affect them later in life.

It's even in the Bible: God disciplines those He loves!

There are always things that you can let go as a parent. I mean, is it really important that they fold their clothes perfectly or is the skill of putting stuff away in the right place a more valuable thing to learn? Parental discretion and judgment does come into it. We, as parents need to decide what things we will let go and what things we will tackle head on to sort out.

So.......I may be tired. I may be cranky. I will most definitely make mistakes. I will lose patience from time to time. I will try things that simply don't work or turn out to be too hard to implement. But I will NEVER give up on teaching my children to be great human beings. I will always work to find a way to teach them, even if it means trying fifty things before we finally work out what works for us.

They are worth the effort, worth the worry and worth the sacrifice of my time.

Now, any ideas on an easy-to implement reward system for children who think playing before breakfast and morning jobs is OK? The investigation continues!

Comments

  1. Hiya Julie:)
    Thanks for your blog. I think you are amazing in how you love and persevere. I'll be definitely coming to you when I get to the kid stage of my life.
    I'm not sure what ideas for rewards you have put in place, but here's a random idea from me:
    1. Find or make some form of 'pouch' for each child [sometimes you can buy those hanging organisers that have pockets] that you can put in one place on a wall or on each of their bedroom doors.
    2. when a reward is order place something different in the pouch each time like:
    - a small toy or something that will be fun for them [to use at the right time of course ;)] like a bouncy ball or bubbles [you'll have a better idea than me]
    - part of something they have wanted so that eventually they get the whole thing
    - a note of affirmation
    - a note with a star/sticker/pick saying: you need 3 [for example] more of these, and after the 3rd you put in a reward
    - a voucher for a big reward

    This will keep it interesting because they never quite know what they are going to get.

    Hope it helps. Let me know how it goes. Oh yeah, you could have a secret stash of cheap goodies so that you don't have to think too hard about it every day.

    Love you!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Mel,

    Thanks for your reply! I love your ideas.....I get in a bit of a rut sometimes and need ideas to try on how to run an effective reward system.

    At the moment I have no leverage to teach my children what I need to and it's frustrating and draining my motivation.....sounds a bit dramatic, but with each day that passes and the behaviour remains is an extra day where it's cemented in.

    I need to get a stash of cheap goodies (our children seem to prefer crappy toys over good quality ones!), so we'll get it going soon.

    Thanks for the inspiration and encouragement. You rock!! :)

    ReplyDelete

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