With the arrival of my fifth baby just over two weeks ago, I returned home seven hours after the birth. I received many comments about how awesome it was that I'd done it. One of the words used was 'supermum'.

I don't mind that. Seriously. We are all supermums - those of us that love being mums and work at being good parents.........and, as a human - of course I love receiving compliments!

However, in my case the use of the word -I felt- implied that I'm fearless, tough and confident.

I'm not.

I returned home after seven hours because a) that was standard practice for the model of care I was receiving and b) my husband, mum and breastfeeding stuff was at home and as much respect as I have for hospital midwives, they are very busy and so can't provide anywhere near the care and attention that my husband and mum could.

So really, it was nothing to come straight home. It was easier for me than being left on my own with a new baby to cope!

And with the whole 'five children' thing: The ONLY difference between this baby and the first three babies is that I now recognise the feelings and problems (mainly breastfeeding) that I have in the early post-natal period, so I can tackle them sooner rather than letting them get too bad and suffering for it in the long term.

I still experience problems and I still get upset about them.......

I know that it's normal to get to 4pm and start to feel, well....flat. To feel really apprehensive about the approaching rush hour which won't finish until 10pm when the kitchen is tidy and the baby's bathed and fed.

I know that it's normal to cry about nipples and boobs........and to want to get on your hand and knees to kiss the feet of the person who invented nipple shields!

I know it's normal to feel upset that you can't give everyone (husband included) what they need straight away.

But despite knowing all this, I'm still scared.

I love my sleep.

Labour hurts. I don't enjoy it.

I'm finding that I can't endure breastfeeding issues as well as I once could.

I wonder how I'm going to cope when it's just me and five children......with two school runs, three meals to organise and washing to do every single day.

Some days, my husband and I see each other, but we don't really connect.

I get asked all the time: "Are you going to have more?" (and I don't mind being asked, so don't feel bad if you have :D).

But it makes me think.

Could I?

If God asked me to have another baby.........well, to be honest, the thought of it scares me. A lot. I'm just like anyone else: I don't enjoy labour, sleep deprivation, loss of personal space, breastfeeding pain and putting the needs of others before me.

I'm not dwelling on the issue - it's quite simple, really. If God wants us to have another baby, He'll make it happen and He'll bless us for being obedient, as has happened this time. 

The issue is that despite being 'a supermum' and despite my experience, I'm just a very ordinary person who struggles to live out the call God has placed on my life on a daily (and sometimes moment to moment) basis. Sure, I love motherhood and I love babies and being a SAHM........but I'm still just an ordinary person who experiences all the fears and doubts and uncertainty that comes with having a newborn.

The only thing that is constant in all of it is Jesus Christ - who has blessed our socks off since we stepped out and allowed Him to use us to bring our new daughter, Lara, into the world. That is how I manage to continue, to get up every day (and night!), work through breastfeeding issues, recover from labour, cook the dinner, love the children and keep a smile on my face (most of the time!)......He is with me, guiding and encouraging me through doubts, fatigue, discomfort and hormones!


  1. Brilliant post Julie. You are such an inspiration of how to honour God through mothering. And Congratulations! :)


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