The Peace of God

Today, I had a meeting and an appointment. 

I don't have a pic of my diary, so here's something like a diary!

It was pretty nice to have an important meeting to attend that wasn't about children! I took three of the children with me and they did their school work while I was at the meeting.

Afterwards, we had to go to our local primary school so I could speak at assembly briefly about an event we have coming up. I sat on the bleachers with my own children and some parents, watching the assembly from start to finish.

I love school. I'm a born teacher. Many times during my own schooling, I got into trouble for playing with younger students and not staying in my own age-designated playing area. I have loved children and teaching them since I was barely more than a little girl myself!

School is somewhere that I feel at home. It's like a place of excitement but also comfort for me. I love the student work on the walls, books stacked on shelves and desks lined up. I love the feel of chalk on a blackboard and the sound of children playing before the bell rings for school to start in the morning. I love the anticipation of lessons to be learned and discoveries to be made.

At assembly this afternoon, I loved watching the teachers place gentle but firm hands on the backs of students they spoke to, reminding them to sit still and pay attention. I loved seeing the gorgeous teacher aide sit beside a student who was struggling to do the right thing.

Under the watchful eye of their teachers, the children all listened, sat and applauded appropriately. It was so nice watching students supported and challenged. I loved the students holding up their awards under their chins for everything from great work ethic to reading 100 home readers.

I loved the encouragement. I loved the feel of many students. The uniforms looked great. The way the teachers spoke to their students was familiar to me. 

I missed it all.

In a rush as I sat there watching students and teachers, feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and 'what-the-flip-am-I-doing' rose to my heart as I watched school happen in front of me. I sat on the bleachers with my children behind me and questioned deeply my decision to home school. I mean, really - why was I doing it in the first place? 

Our local school is lovely, they say the Lord's Prayer during assembly and the teachers are kind, professional with excellent reputations. Why would I want my children to stay home and learn at home when there was this lovely place for them to go to daily to be taught?

In my heart, I cried out to God - why? Why am I doing all this? Is it the right thing to do? What's the point when there's this nice place to send my children?

After a few minutes thinking through the practical reasons of why we home school - a more relaxed curriculum, more flexible schedule around a shift-working husband's roster and more time together as a family - a peace flooded my soul. 

It's hard to explain if you haven't experienced the Holy Spirit 'speaking' to you. As I sat there for a while after crying out to God about the apparent lack of logic in our decision, those feelings of insecurity and anxiety just left me.

All that remained was a still, calm resolve that although there are other good options out there for our children's education, home schooling is right for our family right now.

That is all I need. The Holy Spirit calming my worried and frazzled spirit - and it all makes sense. Nothing else matters but that peace. There are others who are also perfectly in God's will sending their children to school and that's great.......there are others who disagree with home schooling. But nothing else matters to me but that peace. It may defy logic. It may seem naïve at times. It always cuts through the babble of this noisy and clattered world.

"And now may the peace of God which passes all understanding keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of God." Philippians 4:7


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